Pieces to the puzzle of YOU...

I happened to catch an opening recap of "Girlfriends" where Lynn told Joan she wanted to find her biological father, stating, "I'm not looking for the magic key to unlock my soul, I just want to know where I'm from!" I had to take a step back and reflect on how much I can really relate to that statement, because my life puzzle is still being put together. My sister and I got a chance to be reunited with our birth family, meet family members that we never knew of, and learn about where the maternal half of ourselves came from. Over the last 2 years my uncle, sister, and David have been looking for my father to help complete this puzzle of mine. 


I've never met my birth father before, but I remember a picture my mom showed me when I was little- he was tall, skinny, and light-skinned. Name? Carl Washington... And that name stuck with me for a very long time.  My sister and I have different fathers, and we met her father and his family a few times before he got the boot from mom about his "extra" activities. We went through a lot of drama, relocations, and changes over the years until we were taken away from mom and placed with a non-kin family, and that spiraled into other internal, emotional problems within my sister and I. Although we both came out of our situations safer, better, and have started our own families, I still feel that majority of those changes and problems would've been cut down if my father had been permitted to stay in my life, and if he had fought harder to be there despite my mother saying "we don't need you". Or maybe my sister's dad if he wasn't so abusive and selfish....maybe not, but at least 1 birth father would've been better than none and having to deal with your mom's boyfriends and the Hell that came with them. 


 I've thought about what I would say to him, how he would look now and what he would say to me. All the questions I'd have to ask to see how similar or different we are, learn about his side of the family, how he met mom and felt about her, and get the other side of the truth about them breaking up. To keep any anger or blame at bay, I wrote him a letter to get my feelings out and update him on what happened in our lives while he was away- the details alone would make him sick, and to see a tear roll down his face would be payment enough for me.


 I am grateful that my children don't have to go through the hurt, loss, and confusion that many people have experienced besides myself. I get to live vicariously through them as I watch them grow up with great parents like ourselves, but more specifically with a father that cares for and nurtures them with a passion as he gives them what he wished he had as a kid. Sometimes I get a little jealous, but I would rather see the cycle of good energy start with my children than them experience what David and I went through. 


 Last week, David took another look on Facebook and friended a guy that could be my father. At first, I wasn't sure if I wanted to meet him, but now I want to see the other half of where I came from. I restarted my Ancestry.com account and revisited my family tree to learn more about my family and see if I find any info on my father.... Stay tuned.