Random thought: how many people are going to be decked out in Red, White, and Blue and say the word "Fireworks" tomorrow? Be Safe, Happy 4th of July!!

Random Truth: "I can't hear you!"

Why do people think that I can hear them talking when I'm clearly wearing headphones?

I'm waiting for the bus to go to work, then this guy in a car stops at a red light and I just so happened to look over and he's talking but I can't hear him due to "Arise" playing in my ears. It looks like a silent movie, so I give him this confused look and pull out one of my earbuds (which has a silver tip on the outside sticking out of the ear, you can't miss it) very slowly. He goes on to say "CVS", so I point in the direction of the store down the street.... Then he says "no, the high school!" I say, "uh, that's out South, isn't it?" He agrees with me, but says that he thinks that he saw me before and maybe we went to school together. I shake my head and disagree, he apologizes and bids me good day.

Just when I think it's over and I put my earbud back in its rightful place, a guy walks up to the bus stop talking and pointing down the street... Luckily, my song ended and I let him know that the bus goes all the way downtown. LOL-Good morning!

Random Truth: don't be a tornado lover right now, go be somewhere safe!!

Topics: what's on your mind?

Hey there everyone! I'm opening up this blog to talk about anything that YOU as the reader would want to talk about or have me research and elaborate on. I'm interested to hear what's on your mind, so post your comments below or hit me on Facebook. Please, just keep it simple- if it's something crazy or foolish I'm not addressing it (or maybe I will and just embarrass you, your choice) Thanks!

Fathers.....

Although I remembered my mother, I only had a picture of my father in my mind from the first and last time she showed me- I never knew him,  and still haven't met him... After everything I've experienced, I'd only want to see him so I can see the other half of where I came from, and to show him what he missed out on. Growing up though, the closest father figure my sister and I had was my Uncle Tony in San Francisco. No matter the distance, he was always a phone call away and we're extremely close. 

Now that I'm a mother of one, I'm elated at the fact that my daughter and her father (David) have a special connection and he takes care of her above and beyond the call of duty. No matter what happens in life or how old she gets, this is the kind of experience she'll remember for a lifetime. To be honest, I've  learned a great deal of life lessons from  Dave that I should've learned from my parents...   
Through this, the void my father left in me is filled, and appreciating my child's father everyday besides Father's day is a must- good men are rare these days! It's unfortunate, however, that some women don't share this view.

In a past conversation, I was told that Men (especially Black men) feel it's mostly Black women who don't appreciate good men who show and prove their worth and weight constantly. What they get in return is a flimsy "thanks" (maybe), negative energy and disregard, especially when they can't provide everything that's being asked of them or make a mistake (I.e., "you [men] ain't $h@!). Yet when these guys need support or a favor that results in a positive outcome (esp. For the kids sake) the women don't come thru and/or refuse to help....putting a "convenient excuse" in front of their actions so it "makes sense"! WHY?! I can only imagine the challenges of being a man who provides and protects on a daily basis, and our Black men face so much more adversity and stress in this world.... How do these women forget that the one person that they look to for comfort and strength is his woman?!  

When will they open their eyes and give more honor and respect to the men who are REAL MEN to their families and great fathers to their children? Even when the parents separate, there are dads that still want to be apart of their children's lives to the fullest extent!! Why do THESE men get played to the left, disregarded, downplayed, and taken for granted instead of the cheaters, abusers, deadbeat dads who leave their families behind, no call/no show on the kids, and don't look back?
This behavior coming from any woman is appalling....but being a Black woman myself and seeing our black women do this makes me sick! Then I hear these same women complaining with negative attitudes and wondering where all "the good men" went... Into hiding, maybe?!  

Ladies, why is it that you can only call on "good dad/man" when you need money, talk about your drama, or when the kids are out of control? Why not call them to see how they're doing, to spend time with the kids, or just build a positive bond with them? If kids are involved, think about how much it would benefit them to see and feel that positive bond between their parents, no matter the situation! 

Make your mistakes, and go through your ups and downs, but always appreciate, support, and respect the good men, fathers and friends that they are... Don't just start on Fathers Day, start today and everyday thereafter.   
  

Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Right

After reading my blog "The Golden Opportunists", friend and fellow blogger of "Ear Hustlin'" Joe Castro raised the question "What are the right reasons a woman should want to get with a guy if women are raised to seek status/power, just like men are raised to seek beauty (in varying forms)/nurturing in a woman?" Although I can't speak for all women, I'll do my best to answer this from my perspective and what I've learned from the life experiences of others.

Now, when your parents sat you down for one of those "birds and the bees" talks, one of the topics of discussion may have been how to know when that "right" someone comes along and the "right" reasons to start a relationship. Based on how your parents were raised, they will raise you to follow the same principals and values that they learned growing up or have you learn from your own experience- this could be good or a detriment, but at some point you've learned who was "right" or "wrong" for you based on your own expectations and standards, and those people have seen you in the same light based on theirs.

Secondly, my fiance stated to me one day that women lead more with their hearts while others lead with their heads. There are good and bad reasons if you look at it from a moral standpoint, yet others may seek men out for practical, economical, traditional/cultural, or for no reasons at all. Men are sought after to complete the image and bond of a "relationship", to fill a void, pass the time, procreate children with great genes, to share bills and spend money, friendships, to boost self esteem, to keep us out of trouble, to share thoughts and ideals with, enjoy their company, gain statuses and fortunes that otherwise would be stagnant (golden opportunists), to love and give ourselves completely to, the notion of Fate, to build strong families and foundations, curiousity, fullfill fantasies and sexual needs, pure sport and games, and boredom. I could go on and on about the myraid of reasons that are deemed good or bad, but what matters is THE reason, and if there is a man that is WILLING to go along with the reason WHY they are chosen. So Mr. Castro, men can also ask themselves this same question- are you looking for "Mrs. Right for the future", "Ms. Right Now for the Night", or "Ms Right for a little while"?


So post your thoughts below: Why do you choose who you want, or decide NOT to choose at all?

The pregnancy peanut gallery

Being pregnant is a joy and a job in itself- doctor's visits, getting a great glow to your skin, gaining weight, picking baby names, baby showers, and belly rubs from strangers. Yet there is one annoying thing that we moms can agree on is having to hear from what I call the "Pregnancy Peanut Gallery". These people can vary from family members, total strangers, and friends who have kids and want to pass on helpful information. Although we know they mean well, it's a bit unnerving at times because it causes us "newbies" to worry about how we're caring for the child. After 3 years of having my first daughter, I've learned that there's a difference in giving helpful advice, and "Legends from the Abyss". All of the stories, myths, and other crazy things that your mother got from her grandmother, who got it from generations of other women about how to take care of yourself and the baby during the 9 month term and after the first year of life. These midwife tales have been passed down from so many generations that it's hard to pinpoint where they came from and if they're factual enough to apply in these modern times. So here's a list of what I've found from online research and mom-friends for the most common legends recorded, the answers that moms and doctors gave to debunk or give truth to these tales, and my thoughts to round it all out.

1. Carry low, you're having a boy; Carry high, it's a girl.

- Pregnancy-info.com: False-the way you carry is determined by muscle and uterine tone as well as the position of your baby. Weird enough, my daughter was sitting a bit high in my rib cage... but then again, I'm 5'2 and a half so she was probably right in the middle. I feel sorry for the woman carrying twins of the opposite sex if this myth was true....

2. Sleeping on your back can compress blood flow of the Vena Cava and hurt the baby.

- IVillage.com: Most docs say it's not true, but having LABOR while laying flat on your back can cause the baby more stress that way since contractions slow down the blood flow anyway. As far as sleeping goes, you can sleep however makes you feel comfortable. I was paranoid the whole time, and tense from laying on my sides so much! I actually did wake up laying on my back a few times, but would turn on my side when I realized how comfortable I was.

3. Raising your arms will tangle the umbilical cord around the baby's neck.

-IVillage: False: While growing, the baby has so much space in the womb to swim around that they often tangle themselves as they get bigger. My mother in law reminded me to keep my arms down a lot, and I did until I had to stretch or grab a cup from the shelf, then I stopped because it didn't make any sense. FYI: The umbilical cord is attached from the baby's stomach to the placenta, how can it possibly stretch far enough to become attached to your arms like a puppet?

4. You should have another child straightaway after the first one so they can grow up together.

-ME: I've read articles and heard from friends about how far apart you should have your children to ensure harmony within the household and to avoid sibling rivalry/jealousy (e.g. the older child vs the new baby). My daughter is 3 and my stepson is 7 and they play pretty good with one another until they start fighting over a specific toy or can't understand each other well enough to play certain games. I would rather have this dynamic where I can explain things to the oldest child about how to help me with the youngest instead of having two children in the same age/mental range who have to cry louder than the other to get their point across. It's nice for kids to grow up together with siblings if that's the way you plan it, otherwise don't push another child into the world to fill a quota or create a balance that might not work for you and your family.

5. When your first child starts walking at an early age, they're making room for the next child.

-ME: I haven't found any myths on this one, but I hear it all the time among family. Maybe the child just figured out an easier way to do it after watching everyone else walking around them. Couldn't it be possible that rug burns on the knees actually hurt and they don't like it? The next child comes if and whenever they're due, not because your first child decided to grow up and do what comes naturally to them. Luckily, I was on birth control before and after my daughter started walking!

6. The "pull out method" is an effective alternative to using birth control or condoms.
-ME: False- it's an alternative, but not the most effective!! (Ok, honestly speaking this is probably how my daughter was born, and maybe a lot of us reading this blog) According to many sites and medical journals, precum (lubricant for the sperm to pass thru the penis) has a very low chance of containing sperm, given that the guy has urinated, cleaned up afterwards, or didn't ejaculate before sex. This method is either hit or miss, and depending on how quick, careful, and aware your man is at pulling out, you could probably do this with ease. Otherwise, if you know that he's a little sloppy and unpracticed, or just someone you really don't see yourself getting serious about, then you better get the strongest BC or condom you can find and be consistent- whether you decide to risk it or not, always be careful!

Here are a few others to ponder over....
"If you want to prevent a hard labor, make sure you DON'T take naps. If you do, the baby will get stuck to your ribs and won't come out during labor!"

"If you eat food in front of a pregnant lady and don't offer her any, you are cursing the baby to be born with bulgy eyes"

"Wearing a Hawaiian lei around your neck will cause the umbilical cord to tie itself around the fetus' neck"

"Feeding your baby solid foods at an early age (5-9 mos) is safe, as it will give the baby more norishment than just drinking formula/milk"

I'm sure there are more out there, but at least this list will arm you with what's to come. As we moms would advise, just follow your instincts (and the advice of your pediatrician/sane family members) and you'll do just fine with your new little one. Congratulations!